Whether you ended the relationship or the narcissist did, breaking up with a narcissist can be an overwhelming and a traumatic experience. The relationship can end with you being discarded by the narcissist which can have a toll on your mental health because most of the time you don’t know what you did wrong. Narcissists are unpredictable and they can end a relationship in the worst way possible to hurt you. If you discarded the narcissist that could mean a narcissistic wound that hurts them so much. They might try to destroy your life and make every moment of your life a living hell. In a moment of total panic, narcissists feel that they have nothing to lose so they attack you and your reputation. They might turn everyone against you and spread rumors just to punish you and to get you feeling isolated and incredibly hurt. This smear campaign can be a result of them not wanting to lose control over you so they do what they can to make you think about them even if in a negative way. They want to be the center of attention in your world even after they have left.
To understand why a narcissist does what he does at the end of a relationship, we have to understand how a narcissist acts in a relationship from start to finish.
Narcissistic Relationship Cycle
This is how a narcissist starts the relationship. They tend to idealize their partner and view them as perfect. You noticed how a narcissist would put you on a pedestal at the start. The narcissist thought they have found their ideal partner . So they showered you with gifts and tokens of love. They mimicked your interests and lifestyle. They want you to fall for them fast. It’s a dizzying experience; you thought you found your soulmate. The narcissist love-bombed you!
The chase is over. The adrenaline rush is over. The narcissist starts to notice that you are not as perfect as they thought. They start to lose interest in you. They start to see faults in you. Even “faults” found in every human-being. Narcissists think that they deserve only perfect things. And they view things as black and white. So, if you have a bad trait, it means you are all bad and they can’t be with you anymore. They start to ignore you, mistreat you, getting angry at the smallest things that you do.
The narcissist thinks that he is done with their “Narcissistic Supply”. He no longer needs you. They view people as objects and when they are done playing with their toy, they throw it away. They discard you in the most horrible way possible.
“The Narcissist Is Ignoring Me after Break Up”
When a narcissist breaks up with you, they might just vanish without a trace, without saying anything. They will completely ignore your calls and messages. You are left with no closure which can be very devastating and traumatic. They want to inflict the most pain on your soul. They know that it hurts. They know that people need closure. They are dumping you and punishing you at the same time. You might not understand what you did wrong but in the sick and twisted mind of a narcissist, it all makes sense. That’s how they act in relationships.
The Narcissist Break up Script
Narcissists tend to follow the same patterns of behavior especially in how they break up with their partners.
When they want to break up with you, they have been thinking about it for some time. They might have another partner lined up to fill your void. They have been comparing you both for some time in their mind. And when they finally decide that they are better than you for whatever twisted reason, they will break up with you. You might think it’s abrupt but it has been going on for some time. It’s not an overnight decision because narcissists want to have another supply before they end a relationship.
The narcissist might end the relationship in one final act of destruction. He would trigger a huge fight over nothing. This can escalate in verbal or even physical abuse! They want to end the relationship on their terms, and they want to have one act of control over you before they are gone. He might call you every name in the book, digging deep in your insecurities to humiliate you and damage your self-esteem.
Depressed After Break Up With Narcissist
It’s devastating. You are taking too much time getting over him. It shouldn’t take that much time especially when they are so abusive and toxic people. You might get depressed after a breakup with a narcissist which can be a natural thing after all the drama, chaos and emotional abuse you have been through. You need closure. You can’t ask for it. What you need to know is:
- You have to move on with your life. There is no winning in relationships when it gets ugly like this. And revenge would delay your healing process and make the pain linger.
- You have to know that the narcissists might try to suck you back into the relationship in an act called Hoovering. And you have to be firm and say no.
Hoovering is when a narcissist comes back to you after a while. They will try to make it up to you and apologize for how things ended between you two. They will tell you that you must take them back in because they can’t live without you. They will tell you all the lies you want to hear. They will tell you that they can’t live without you. A narcissist might send you gifts and apologize a lot. They might pretend that the relationship isn’t over after all this time!
You have to know that this is another manipulation tactic you can’t fall for. No matter how convincing they seem. Narcissists don’t change. They are pathological liars and they are always toxic.
How Does a Narcissist React When You Dump Him?
It depends on whether he has other narcissistic supply or not. If he has supply, he can move on without being hurt too much. But still a narcissist’s ego is too big to handle being dumped. And they don’t like losing control like this. So, he might give you a long lecture about how he has moved on and how he is doing great. He might try to get you jealous.
If he doesn’t have supply aka another potential partner, this would make him freak out and beg for forgiveness.
Hoovering past relationships
This is the most likely outcome when the narcissist gets dumps. Narcissists don’t get too emotionally attached to people so it’s easier for them to jump from one relationship to another without feeling much pain.