It’s been a long time since you have cut all contact with your narcissist. You have moved on with your life and you are trying to heal from all the abuse you went through. You have finally moved forward. But then, out of the blue you get a text or a call from your ex. He is trying to reconnect with you. The narcissist is trying to suck you back into the relationship again. The memories come rushing back. You thought you have forgotten all about him but this message you got shakes you. Being a manipulative and a pathological liar, the narcissist tells you that he wants you back, that he has changed and that he will be good to you this time.
Hoovering is a term that means the narcissist is trying to suck you back into the relationship. It comes from the name of Hoover vacuum cleaner. The narcissist wants to regain power and control over you, after a long period of no contact. HE wants to suck you back into the abuse cycle that you broke free from.
Why Narcissists Hoover
A narcissist hoovers because deep inside, he didn’t discard you permanently. Breaking up with a narcissist is just a big silent treatment. They have been punishing you all this time. They think their presence is a gift. The truth is, you have been a backup supply in the back of his mind all this time. Narcissists have a mental image of who they can use as a supply and they switch between them as they get bored.
And the narcissist knows you. They know all the tricks that they can use to control you. They know your secrets and they know what makes you tick. They think you are an easy target. The narcissist’s little brain thinks he can manipulate people many times. That’s why you need to be very firm and say no.
The narcissist might not even try to hoover if they know you know them. They know you have figured them out. The masks have slipped in your presence. In this case they will try to look for supply somewhere else.
Hoovering is never about the narcissist missing you. They don’t get attached to people like this. They miss how you treat them; they miss how you make them feel. You gave attention to them and made them feel special. They only miss that.
Narcissistic Hoovering Tactics
The narcissist will try to suck you back in by confessing love to you. He is trying to appeal to your emotions. He tells you he can’t live without you. He will tell you how his life is meaningless without you. You should understand that narcissists lack empathy and a conscious needed to feel true love. He just loves how you make him feel. He wants his supply.
Pretending Nothing Has Happened
The narcissist might just walk back into your life as if nothing has happened. As if you didn’t break up with him. He will pretend that the break up was just a misunderstanding and you should just make up and everything will be good again
The Fake Apology
A narcissist might come back apologizing like there’s no tomorrow. He would give you flowers and gifts and showers you with attention. He tells you how sorry he is and how hard the breakup has been on him. He would tell you that he has changed for the better. That he will never hurt you again. The narcissist would tell you just give me a chance and see for yourself. It’s alluring but the narcissist never changes. As soon as you get back to him, his old ways will come back. He will be abusive again. A relationship with a narcissist is always toxic.
What If You Refused To Get Back To The Narcissist?
If you decided to not get back to a narcissist, he will try and try again. They just can’t accept a single “No”. Narcissists need their narcissistic supply real bad. They can’t live without the supply and the attention they need.
If you were firm in saying “No”, the narcissist might throw a fit and go in a narcissistic rage. This is because when a narcissist feels like his big ego is hurt, they will suffer a narcissistic injury. They want things to go their way, always. Just like children, they can’t take no for an answer. A narcissistic rage can be very demeaning insults and verbal abuse or even escalate into physical abuse.
The narcissist is likely to get hurt and stay away for some time but he will try again after seeing that you are the best supply you had.